The Desperate Search for Importance

Eventually, every one of us gives in to it. 
The search to be recognized.  The desperate demand to be found important.  To have others see that the actions we take have a magnified effect.

We push out Facebook posts.  That amount to nothing.

We Tweet.  About miniscule aspects of our daily existence.

We Instagram and blog.  In an effort to show that we are doing or thinking something that separates us from everyone else.

We use the power of these magnifiers to prove our worth.

It ends up coming off as a self-important, ego driven mania to be famous.  Because, unfortunately, famous is seen as successful.  Successful is seen as happy.  Happy is seen as better.  And it is better to be famous than not. 

One of my great guilty pleasures is watching Judge Judy.  It astounds me to see the people who will agree to be on her program, however.  Many come with an obvious desire to be on TV.  It's as though this is their "big scene" in life.  Even worse are the Jerry Springer-type shows where people with no apparent idea of the ridicule to which they are being subjected, fight to be "seen" as famous.  As important.  As meaningful. 

This even comes through in regular, everyday meetings.  It becomes clear, in just a few minutes, that some people are proud of their ignorance.  They don't care what they don't know.  They simply desire to be taken seriously so badly that their life is spent in . . . being seen . . . being heard . . . being something important.

Teenagers post images of themselves in activities they will one day wish was not retrievable on line.  People my age often post about themselves truths that they later regret (there is a reason a local divorce attorney's radio ad says the first thing he does in a divorce case is search social media).

Very few of these people do what it takes to become really . . . important. 

In his book, Man's Search for Ultimate Meaning, Viktor Frankel writes:

“Man is originally characterized by his "search for meaning" rather than his "search for himself." The more he forgets himself—giving himself to a cause or another person—the more human he is. And the more he is immersed and absorbed in something or someone other than himself the more he really becomes himself.”  

What is the whole purpose of the way we communicate now?
Is our aim of being noticed, recognized and seen by others as what?

Famous?
Important?
Witty?
Smart?
Wise?

So much effort is put into getting blog hits, getting Facebook notices, getting recognized in some way that we forget to live our lives in a way that, as a natural outcome, demonstrates our importance.  How many people say, write or record themselves saying something provocative, stupid, obscene or dangerous, just to get attention? 

Social media is full of it.  Literally and figuratively.
It seems the goal of millions of us around the world is to "go viral."  Be thought of as so . . . interesting . . . stupid . . . funny . . . significant for just a moment that the whole world takes notice and can't wait to share that image with everyone.  To be famous and to have meaning in our lives becomes an end unto itself.  And we will do anything to achieve it.

And yet, no one who is pursuing that time of significance stops to realize they are quickly . . .laughed at . . . enjoyed . . . used . . . forgotten and the world will move on to the next jester who keeps it's attention for another moment.

In this ever growing drive to become important, we end up killing real relationships - because we present to "friends," readers, watchers, listeners a false image of who we really are.  We want those who see us on Facebook to believe our life is fabulous.  Our office overlooks the ocean.  Our meals are always healthy, appealing and eaten by all of our family members gathered around the table.  Every.  Single.  Evening.  With stimulating conversation that highlights our genius.

In reality, we heated Kraft Macaroni and Cheese for one child, made spaghetti for the other and collapsed in the living room, in front of the tv, with our own tray of leftovers from  . . . who remembers?

If we can be honest with each other, none of this social media persona is real.  And it harms those around us.  Jesus, in Matthew 23 says this about those supposed leaders who desperately wanted to be viewed in a certain way:

23 Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples:

² “The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. ³ So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. ⁴ They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them. 

⁵ “Everything they do is done for people to see: They make their phylacteries^[a] wide and the tassels on their garments long; ⁶ they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; ⁷ they love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and to be called ‘Rabbi’ by others.

¹¹ The greatest among you will be your servant. ¹² For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. 

²⁵ “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. ²⁶ Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. ²⁷ “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. ²⁸ In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness. (Matthew 23:1-7, 11-12, 25-28 - NIV)

When we put such effort into getting people to see us living our lives, we actually fail to live our lives at all and are merely acting.  Trying to get someone to notice us.  It reminds me very much of little children who cry "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy" over and over in order to get the desired attention.

But Frankel sees the innocence of children as the time when we can best see ourselves in action.  As a time when we can see our worth, our importance.  Our meaning.

“Just consider a child who, absorbed in play, forgets himself—this is the moment to take a snapshot; when you wait until he notices that you are taking a picture, his face congeals and freezes, showing his unnatural self-consciousness rather than his natural graciousness. Why do most people have that stereotyped expression on their faces whenever they are photographed? This expression stems from their concern with the impression they are going to leave on the onlooker. It is "cheese" that makes them so ugly. Forgetting themselves, the photographer, and the future onlooker would make them beautiful.”   Viktor E. Frankel, Man's Search for Ultimate Meaning

Our beauty is found is finding our mission in life, of serving a purpose.  Our ugliness is evident in our push to be recognized.  When we give up the search for being important and, instead, work to find a way to serve others and forget ourselves, that is when we can become needed.  Valued. 

Truly important.

*Now, please forward this along so that I can increase the hits to my blog! :)

*(See, told you that looks ugly!)

Sanitized Reality

It's been a very difficult and sad time in Oklahoma the last 14 days.

We have had the eyes of the world turned to look at us - again - because of the disaster that comes from the sky in our part of the world.  Tornado damage is much worse than the television pictures can relate.  The destruction is impossible to believe until you see it with your own eyes.  As you take in the power of an EF-5 tornado, you also smell the aroma of devastation. 

This never comes across to you, sitting safely in a protected home or office.  It's a sanitized reality through the tv screen.

Gas, dust, dead animals, lumber, something burned, moldy and wet items that once had value - all ruined and worth nothing in the blink of an eye - and all contributing to an odor that is not forgettable.  If you don't live in the television coverage area then you are not likely to keep seeing the on-going challenges of recovery.  It is easy to move on the next catastrophe, become consumed by it for a few days and then move on the next.  And so on and so on . . ..

The world sees these images, absent the smells, feels badly for a time and wonders why people continue to live in Oklahoma.  It is a question actually posed on chat sites, blogs, news articles.  It is heard in conversations with people from "outside" with whom we do business or have other connections. 

I suppose even old Oklahoma storm-season veterans think about that question sometimes - although few would ever admit it.  We stay for a lot of reasons.  For some, it's where home has always been.  Others, moved here and found it a good place for business.  Oklahoma is a place where neighbors pitch in to help.  Frankly, if you ever have a serious problem where you just need a helping hand, Oklahoma is a good place for you to be. 

It gets me thinking, though, about whether it is worth it to stay?

You know, even as clean up was starting, more storms hit.  Hail.  Rain.  Lightening.  More tornado threats.  Just a few days ago another series of awful tornadoes hit - coupled with flooding rains.  Taking more lives.  Destroying more.  Wearing us down with warnings, watches and threats.  There is a storm fatigue taking over in many places.  There is more on tap for us this week. 

And we don't even have the last one cleaned up yet.

So why do we stay?  What is here?

Could it be the fact that before the tornadoes were even finished in their destruction, there were churches mobilizing to help.  First they called for prayer.  Then they called for action.  Churches of all backgrounds - all faiths - working alongside each other in an effort of . . . relief.

I think it is and, perhaps, that is what I have been inspired about more than anything in the face of disaster.  It's the faith that people put in God and in each other. 

We hear a lot, from people outside of Oklahoma, a lot of ridiculing the faith that inspires us.  Ricky Gervais, the creator of "The Office," tweeted:

Praying for something but not doing anything to make it happen has the same effect as writing to Santa & not letting mummy read the letter.

He even pushed a thought in his Twitter account:  #ActuallyDoSomethingForOklahoma

I don't know anything about the man except that I have enjoyed his tv show over the years.  I can't tell you what he sees or knows.  Not even if he has ever been to Oklahoma to feel the palpable sense that here - prayer, churches, faith - does become real action.  Maybe he knows this passage from the Book of James and maybe he doesn't.  But it fits his idea - one that has sparked controversy because it is being read as "hating" those who say they are "praying for Oklahoma."  But he is right:

^14-17 Dear friends, do you think you’ll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, “Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!” and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup—where does that get you? Isn’t it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense?

¹⁸ I can already hear one of you agreeing by saying, “Sounds good. You take care of the faith department, I’ll handle the works department.”
Not so fast. You can no more show me your works apart from your faith than I can show you my faith apart from my works. Faith and works, works and faith, fit together hand in glove.
^19-20 Do I hear you professing to believe in the one and only God, but then observe you complacently sitting back as if you had done something wonderful? That’s just great. Demons do that, but what good does it do them? Use your heads! Do you suppose for a minute that you can cut faith and works in two and not end up with a corpse on your hands? (James 2:14-20, The Message).

We don't have churches that just meet on Sundays to lift prayers that God may help us and consider that "good."  In Oklahoma, our faith drives us to show compassion, to give a helping hand, to give blood and money and food and water, to take time off from paid work because fellow Oklahomans need help.  Right now.  Not when it is convenient.

Most interestingly, for someone, like Gervais, who sees us from an outside perspective, all kinds of churches and beliefs (which might disagree in some theological way) are working side-by-side.  Churches of Christ, Baptists, Mennonites, Methodists, atheists - all can be found working with each other in the common bond of helping our hurting neighbors.  We know, all too truthfully, that we could be next in needing that same coming together.

That's the reality on the ground in Oklahoma.  From the time weather forecasters begin to warn us to be "weather aware," we take action.  We check in with our family and neighbors to be sure they know it could be rough.  We pray that the damage might be slight or that the storm might not be as bad as believed.  We pray for strength to overcome the reality of disaster - that we might know how to help - that our prayers may become the actions of our hands.

TV makes the disasters look cleaner than they are.  It allows people to make judgments that they are in no position to make.  To criticize and to demonize those who are doing the best they can in a hard and tough situation. 

The sanitized reality gives those people the clean conscious to say whatever they like about us.

Those of us living in the disaster zones know the truth - the faith of our neighbors and the actions caused by that faith make this a great place to live.  Because we know we are not going through all of this alone.